Dear God............

I keep a journal that I refer to as my DEAR GOD journal. I pray but I also keep the journal because sometimes I just want to write a letter to God. Lately life has been looking up. I have had moments that I just crash and cry like a baby. On my last visit to the neurologist, I was officially cleared and declared able to proceed with life as normal as can be. Oh I wanted to let the doctor know that I had been free of this disease when I asked God to strengthen my faith on this journey. My husband and I are looking forward to having children but there is this gnawing fear in the corner. I know God is there with us through it all. I know that "I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME".

THE BEST PART OF MY DAY IS............

You know how there is always one thing that makes the day seem perfect and it's always the smallest thing? My favorite part of the day is when we are both lounging on the couch and just talking about things that happened throughout the day. I look forward to those moments because it brings back the times before we started dating. I used to spend hours on the phone listening to his day at work. I am so glad that Glenn has finally realized how much the little things bring perfection to a day no matter how crazy it has been. I love looking at him and listening to him. As one can tell, I am hopelessly lost in this man and thankful for every second of it. I love my baby and there's nothing to it.

THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well yesterday we went for a follow up with the neurologist after my MRI. It was great news to find out it was nothing major. Apparently a tiny part of my right brain did not develop fully and it's now starting to cause minor problem. My options, correction, our options to control the missfiring nerves are really through medication and me making some changes in the way i view the world. The ultimate and severe solution is surgery but I know God is not going to let this get to that point. In fact He has been our guide and healer to the point that I am actually aware of the onset and ability to control it. I am just so elated as I watched the look on my husband and my mother's (clarabelle50@Gmail.com) face. The best part is that there is nothing wrong with starting a family. I don't know what other words I can use to describe the feeling I am going through and the sigh of relief I can hear the people around me breathing. All we can say is THANK YOU GOD FOR ALL THE ANSWERS!!!!!!!!!!

With God..............I can do it all!!!

I know it's been a long time but I am glad to say God has brought us through it all. My lovely husband, my gift form God, has been by my side as I climbed the mountains I faced and the valleys I've forged through. I've been able to see a neurologist and gotten a perspective of where I am going with what's happening to me. I watched the relief on Glenn's face as we were sitting in the office. I also saw the brimming tears that he tried to hide from me. I know they were a sign if pure joy because God had answered our prayers, as always. Now we can move ahead with fulfilling more dreams and embarking on more adventures. We cannot wait!!!! 

God is REAL!!!

It has been a long, long, time and this quest for understanding what it happening to me looks like it's finally coming to an end. For the last six or seven years, depending on who you ask, I feel like I've been living with a dirty secret. I became aware of my seizures after my father's death. Everyone, including me and my family, attributed it to the stress of this event. Then it became the fact that I was missing him and refusing to 'let him go', so to speak. It has cost me jobs and dreams. I love to teach and my favorite age group is pre-k to fourth grade. I love sitting on the floor and teaching through play and just seeing the light of understanding in their eyes. I got my first teaching job while I was doing my internship at Brookhaven College. They hired me in the middle of my class and I ended up working there for two years. After graduation I got another job at Kids R Kids but was 'let go' because I supposedly did not 'fit in' with the other teachers. I knew it was simply because of the seizure I had in the classroom and now could not be left alone with the kids. That nearly destroyed my spirit and determination. I applied for another position at Primrose School and got it. Once again the seizure reared it's ugly head, not once but twice. The second time was outside in front of all the parents waiting to pick up their children. I was immediately informed that I wasn't safe for the children. I had thoughts of just curling up and letting the worst happen to me because I was officially a failure. Through it all God, my family, my indestructible mother and my husband, a gift from God, stood by me and urged me to go on. I was unemployed for three months before I started working at Lowe's and have been there for a year. I don't know what to say except that GOD IS REAL!!!!!! I don't care what people say or think it is true. I've had three seizures in the last two months alone and am still working there. On Thursday August 30th I have an appointment so see a neurologist. I cannot explain the relief for both me and my army of people. We will finally know what is causing all these problems and my husband and I will start on a whole new project. All I can ask for is more prayer because I know it works. It has till now and it will continue to work in spite of everything.

I AM THANKFUL FOR.......

Wow, it's been a while. A lot of things have happened but one thing has been constant: God is still God and I am happy. This month has been a test of my faith and everything that comes with it. I had a slight episode at work and people thought I was just being my silly self. I need to learn to take care of myself first in order to be able to take care of others. I have a habit of not knowing when to say 'no'. I am an overachiever in every sense of the word. This morning a loud noise woke me up and before I knew it I was running down the stairs to take care of a neighbor whose car had flown over the embankment and ran into another apartment. The things that have to happen to make people call on God is just sad. She was worried about how much things were going to cost.

• I am thankful that no one was hurt. 
• I am thankful for the way this week ended
• I am thankful that I still have a job to go to 
• I am thankful that I have so many people watching to make sure that I am alright
• I am thankful for still being in love with my husband
• I am thankful that I can still laugh in the midst of all the insanity

My favorite song is THE PRAYER and I have a collection of several artists singing it. It's even amazing when you stop and listen to the words. It's about our everyday goings and comings and how we should simply just ask God to direct us. There is no need for a formatted prayer, just talk to Him as if He were sitting right next to you on a park bench.

 Lyrics to The Prayer :
I pray you'll be our eyes,
and watch us where we go
And help us to be wise,
in times when we don't know
Let this be our prayer,
when we lose our way
Lead us to the place,
guide us with your grace
To a place where we'll be safe.
La luce che tu dai
I pray we'll find your light
Nel cuore resterà
And hold it in our hearts
A ricordarci che
When stars go out each night
L'eterna stella sei
Nella mia preghiera
Let this be our prayer
Quanta fede c'è
When shadows fill our day
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace

Give us faith so we'll be safe 

 Sognamo un mondo senza più violenza
Un mondo di giustizia e di speranza
Ognuno dia la mano al suo vicino
Simbolo di pace e di fraternità

La forza che ci dia
We ask that life be kind
È il desiderio che
And watch us from above
Ognuno trovi amor
We hope each soul will find
Intorno e dentro a sè
Another soul to love
Let this be our prayer
Let this be our prayer
Just like every child
Just like every child

Need to find a place,
guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe
E la fede che
Hai acceso in noi
Sento che ci salverà

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!!

So, it finally happened. I am another year older and I don't even know what to say except that this is the happiest I have been in a long time. I was sitting around taking a good look at where I've come from and where I am now. Let's see I have lived through traveling around with my family and the ultimate pleasure of coming in contact with some of the most amazing people. I have lived through tragedy and fear. I have also lived through failure and barely escaping death, not once but five times. No one gets that many chances. Through it all there has been a constant hand guiding me, GOD!!!!!!!!!! Need I say more? I have also accomplished one of the most amazing things in my life. I fell in love with the perfect man. I cannot ask for anything more. All I can say is THANK YOU GOD FOR EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!