So Long 2011!!!!!!!!

Well it has been some kind of year. First there was lots of hope then none at all then jobs got lost and new ones found, then there were new adventures to embark on. It has been just full of ups and downs but through it all the one thing that stayed constant was and has always been GOD!!!!!!!!!!! He never fails or lets you down even when it looks and feels like the world is coming to an end. He surrounds us with people who helps us get where we need to go. All I can say is I am looking forward to 2012 because it's going to be awesome!

THAT'S WHAT CHRISTMAS MEANS TO ME!!!!!!!!!

This is my first Christmas with my husband and even though he had to work today, we've had a wonderful time enjoying it this whole week. We decided to start shopping early to beat the rush. We also decided to institute a mandate of giving presents to certain people and this year kids and adults over 50 won the choice. Another thing we did was to ask people to give us a list of things they would like for Christmas that way no one gets another pair of socks or something they won't use. It was nice to see the looks on people's faces (at least the ones who got something from us) as they opened their presents. My favorite part of this year was, as always, the family get together and dinner. It was great so see everyone with their other halves. There's nothing like family no matter how much you disagree with the other person. This year has been one full of surprises, some good and some bad, but it's what we've all made of it. I learned that I cannot do it all by myself even if it looks like I can. As much as I try to be independent, I need my support structure. Next year will hold its share of surprises but I know that God will not bring us this far and let us fall. I cannot wait to get started. :)

ON MY HEART

I woke up this morning feeling as if I was missing something. I am missing something but I am learning to live with what I have. I had an interesting dream and it seemed to haunt me throughout the morning. I was helping a face-less man who kept asking me to help him brush his hair. I tried to ignore him but he kept following me and begging me to help him so I gave in. I sat in a chair and he sat on the floor in front of me as I began to brush his hair. He had short hair so it was easy to take care. As I got to the back of his head I noticed he had a serious case of dandruff and I asked him if he wanted me to wash it. He said 'no' but told me he needed a haircut badly but couldn't afford it. I asked him if he had anyone who could help him but his answer once again was 'no'. I asked him how much he needed to get the haircut and all he wanted was $20.00. I offered him more and all he wanted was that small amount. I kept insisting that I didn't mind giving more but he refused anything more than he needed. I gave him the money and watched the back of his head as he walked away. I kept having the feeling that I knew this man but I just couldn't place him. Suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks, I knew him very well. As he got further away, he turned and looked at me with sad eyes and I knew exactly who he was. I am still wondering what he wants from me since this is the third time he has appeared in my dreams this week. I love Christmas but it seems like that's one of the times he wants to make it known that he is sorry. I have gone from rage, to disgust, to disdain and now I am at forgiveness. I have let it go and come to accept that I must live the rest of my life for myself and the people around me but he always wants to come and apologize around this time. Wherever he is watching from, I want him to know that I forgive him. I want him to stop, close his eyes and remember the words to 'WONDERFUL MERCIFUL SAVIOR', an amazing song by SELAH. It's been my motivator this morning and I am going to take it with me forever. I hope he remembers that I haven't stopped loving him no matter what I say or do.

 Wonderful, merciful Savior
Precious Redeemer and Friend
Who would have thought that a Lamb
Could rescue the souls of men
Oh you rescue the souls of men

Counselor, Comforter, Keeper
Spirit we long to embrace
You offer hope when our hearts have
Hopelessly lost the way
Oh, we've hopelessly lost the way
You are the One that we praise
You are the One we adore
You give the healing and grace
Our hearts always hunger for
Oh, our hearts always hunger for

Almighty, infinite Father
Faithfully loving Your own

Here in our weakness You find us
Falling before Your throne
Oh, we're falling before Your throne