So Long 2011!!!!!!!!

Well it has been some kind of year. First there was lots of hope then none at all then jobs got lost and new ones found, then there were new adventures to embark on. It has been just full of ups and downs but through it all the one thing that stayed constant was and has always been GOD!!!!!!!!!!! He never fails or lets you down even when it looks and feels like the world is coming to an end. He surrounds us with people who helps us get where we need to go. All I can say is I am looking forward to 2012 because it's going to be awesome!

THAT'S WHAT CHRISTMAS MEANS TO ME!!!!!!!!!

This is my first Christmas with my husband and even though he had to work today, we've had a wonderful time enjoying it this whole week. We decided to start shopping early to beat the rush. We also decided to institute a mandate of giving presents to certain people and this year kids and adults over 50 won the choice. Another thing we did was to ask people to give us a list of things they would like for Christmas that way no one gets another pair of socks or something they won't use. It was nice to see the looks on people's faces (at least the ones who got something from us) as they opened their presents. My favorite part of this year was, as always, the family get together and dinner. It was great so see everyone with their other halves. There's nothing like family no matter how much you disagree with the other person. This year has been one full of surprises, some good and some bad, but it's what we've all made of it. I learned that I cannot do it all by myself even if it looks like I can. As much as I try to be independent, I need my support structure. Next year will hold its share of surprises but I know that God will not bring us this far and let us fall. I cannot wait to get started. :)

ON MY HEART

I woke up this morning feeling as if I was missing something. I am missing something but I am learning to live with what I have. I had an interesting dream and it seemed to haunt me throughout the morning. I was helping a face-less man who kept asking me to help him brush his hair. I tried to ignore him but he kept following me and begging me to help him so I gave in. I sat in a chair and he sat on the floor in front of me as I began to brush his hair. He had short hair so it was easy to take care. As I got to the back of his head I noticed he had a serious case of dandruff and I asked him if he wanted me to wash it. He said 'no' but told me he needed a haircut badly but couldn't afford it. I asked him if he had anyone who could help him but his answer once again was 'no'. I asked him how much he needed to get the haircut and all he wanted was $20.00. I offered him more and all he wanted was that small amount. I kept insisting that I didn't mind giving more but he refused anything more than he needed. I gave him the money and watched the back of his head as he walked away. I kept having the feeling that I knew this man but I just couldn't place him. Suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks, I knew him very well. As he got further away, he turned and looked at me with sad eyes and I knew exactly who he was. I am still wondering what he wants from me since this is the third time he has appeared in my dreams this week. I love Christmas but it seems like that's one of the times he wants to make it known that he is sorry. I have gone from rage, to disgust, to disdain and now I am at forgiveness. I have let it go and come to accept that I must live the rest of my life for myself and the people around me but he always wants to come and apologize around this time. Wherever he is watching from, I want him to know that I forgive him. I want him to stop, close his eyes and remember the words to 'WONDERFUL MERCIFUL SAVIOR', an amazing song by SELAH. It's been my motivator this morning and I am going to take it with me forever. I hope he remembers that I haven't stopped loving him no matter what I say or do.

 Wonderful, merciful Savior
Precious Redeemer and Friend
Who would have thought that a Lamb
Could rescue the souls of men
Oh you rescue the souls of men

Counselor, Comforter, Keeper
Spirit we long to embrace
You offer hope when our hearts have
Hopelessly lost the way
Oh, we've hopelessly lost the way
You are the One that we praise
You are the One we adore
You give the healing and grace
Our hearts always hunger for
Oh, our hearts always hunger for

Almighty, infinite Father
Faithfully loving Your own

Here in our weakness You find us
Falling before Your throne
Oh, we're falling before Your throne

THANK YOU

Today is Thanksgiving Day (2011) and it's usually marked by families getting together to enjoy one of the largest meals of the year. This year my husband and I did not have the chance to do so but we are still so thankful for what we have and where we are. Some people put their definition of themselves in material things that they have achieved. We however are thankful for our families and the people who are around us. We are thankful for each other, how far we have come and how far we will go. In all, the only way we have become the people we are is because God has given us many avenues to get here. It may sometimes seem as if we haven't gotten anywhere since the beginning of our lives but we see the small changes that finally emerge into magnificent things. Hopefully everyone sits down and think carefully about what they are thankful for.

Starting over

It's been a little over 5 months since I worked and it finally happened. I am back at work and praying that this time nothing happens. It's been a hard road but I was surrounded by a lot of support from everyone I know and love. My lovely husband made me feel like a person even though I seem to have tied my self-worth into any type of work I had ever taken on. I am not the type of person who sits and watches the world go by. There were moments when I sunk into the lowest of places and just wanted to close my eyes and let everything go but whenever I was ready to give up, I felt his hand holding me up. I watched him run around to make life better in every way possible and I felt like I wasn't being fair to him. For some reason I felt sorry for him because I thought he had been cheated out of the life he was looking forward to living with his wife, but he always reminded me that it was "for better or for worse, till death do us part". He is the perfect gift from God and I wouldn't have asked for anything or anyone else.

What a weekend

So this weekend I've been pampered and spoiled (not that it doesn't happen often). We went shopping and spent a lot of time together. We went to the movies and stayed up all night talking and just laughing about how silly we are. Sometimes the conversations will take a serious turn and we will once again discover that we are more alike than different. This is what makes us absolutely perfect for each other. I love the way he helps me around the house. It's just amazing to have someone like him around.

The things he does for me....

He makes me laugh even when I want to cry
He brings out the best in me
He holds my head up when sometimes I just want to look down
He prays with me
He holds my hand when I am afraid
He is exactly what I prayed for: A Good Man
He knows what I am about to say even before I finish
He's my other half and that's what makes him so special

Another one that speaks of the unspoken

SHE WALKS IN BEAUTY, LIKE THE NIGHT
- Lord Byron

She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies,
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meets in her aspect and her eyes;
Thus mellow'd to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy days denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impair'd the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress
Or softly lightens o'er her face,
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.

And on that cheek and o'er that brow
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,-
A mind at peace and all below,

A heart whose love is innocent

This says it all.

In and Out of Time by Maya Angelou

The sun has come

The mists have gone

We see in the distance our long way home

I was always yours to have

You were always mine

We have loved each other in and out of time

When the first stone looked up at the blazing sun

And the first tree struggled up from the forest floor

I have always loved you more

You freed your braids, gave your hair to the breeze

It hung like a hive of honey bees

I reached in the mass for the sweet honeycomb there

God, how I loved your hair

You saw me bludgeoned by circumstance

Lost, injured, hurt by chance

I screamed to the heavens

Loudly screamed

Trying to change our nightmares into dreams

The sun has come

The mists have gone

We see in the distance our long home

I was always yours to have

You were always mine

We loved each other in and out,

in and out, in and out of time

It's really happening!!!

Wow, so in two days I will be married. I find that a little hilarious picturing myself as a 'wife'. The wierd part it is really doesn't feel like anything magical because we've been together for so long and can just figure out the other person like an open book. Oh I'm dieing to here the lovely advice that people are gonna give us. Ours is to always play after working.

'A whole new world'

I have always been the one who said 'no' to it all along. I wanted to be the free-spirit and never have to answer to anyone or share anything including myself. As I got deeper into this relationship, I realized that in order to be complete I had to share myself with someone. There's family and then the partner that you will share your life with. That person makes you see a part of you that you have never seen before. The person I got was a direct answer to what I had been asking God for. I never made any specific request except to get a good man. The day he walked to my door I knew that he was the one. We have been through it all but we both look to one person and one person only, GOD!! He is the answer to everything no matter how hard or easy it is. I like the way I can talk to him, laugh with him, cry with him, play with him and just simply be myself. I am so grateful that even in the hardest of times he is able to hold my head up high even if I keep looking down. He always reminds me that "God will not bring us this far to let us fail". I love this man very much and cannot wait to start this new journey in our lives.