Who we are

Sunday, December 18, 2011

ON MY HEART

I woke up this morning feeling as if I was missing something. I am missing something but I am learning to live with what I have. I had an interesting dream and it seemed to haunt me throughout the morning. I was helping a face-less man who kept asking me to help him brush his hair. I tried to ignore him but he kept following me and begging me to help him so I gave in. I sat in a chair and he sat on the floor in front of me as I began to brush his hair. He had short hair so it was easy to take care. As I got to the back of his head I noticed he had a serious case of dandruff and I asked him if he wanted me to wash it. He said 'no' but told me he needed a haircut badly but couldn't afford it. I asked him if he had anyone who could help him but his answer once again was 'no'. I asked him how much he needed to get the haircut and all he wanted was $20.00. I offered him more and all he wanted was that small amount. I kept insisting that I didn't mind giving more but he refused anything more than he needed. I gave him the money and watched the back of his head as he walked away. I kept having the feeling that I knew this man but I just couldn't place him. Suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks, I knew him very well. As he got further away, he turned and looked at me with sad eyes and I knew exactly who he was. I am still wondering what he wants from me since this is the third time he has appeared in my dreams this week. I love Christmas but it seems like that's one of the times he wants to make it known that he is sorry. I have gone from rage, to disgust, to disdain and now I am at forgiveness. I have let it go and come to accept that I must live the rest of my life for myself and the people around me but he always wants to come and apologize around this time. Wherever he is watching from, I want him to know that I forgive him. I want him to stop, close his eyes and remember the words to 'WONDERFUL MERCIFUL SAVIOR', an amazing song by SELAH. It's been my motivator this morning and I am going to take it with me forever. I hope he remembers that I haven't stopped loving him no matter what I say or do.

 Wonderful, merciful Savior
Precious Redeemer and Friend
Who would have thought that a Lamb
Could rescue the souls of men
Oh you rescue the souls of men

Counselor, Comforter, Keeper
Spirit we long to embrace
You offer hope when our hearts have
Hopelessly lost the way
Oh, we've hopelessly lost the way
You are the One that we praise
You are the One we adore
You give the healing and grace
Our hearts always hunger for
Oh, our hearts always hunger for

Almighty, infinite Father
Faithfully loving Your own

Here in our weakness You find us
Falling before Your throne
Oh, we're falling before Your throne


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